I realized with a humble heart that I became engaged in conflict recently when someone was triggered by what I said. I always observe my triggers and ask myself questions so that I can continue to grow, continue to learn about human behavior and continue to teach others.
I took responsibility for my reaction and realized there is still a wound from my past that had not been fully healed. One of my past patterns I truly thought was healed was a feeling of being misunderstood by others. Since I had an unconscious belief that this was a fact and part of me kept perpetuating it, I had grown up thinking this was true. I had learned and reaffirmed since being a child that people just don’t understand – people misunderstand me, at times I am not heard, resulting in the same situations happening over and over and over.
During my years of past healing work around this, I realized the root causing these situations to keep reappearing in my life back to a memory that “crushed” me in grade school. I was so excited about a present I had received from Christmas that year. My father got me my own personal shiny blue and black bowling ball with my initials in gold imprinted on it, a bag to carry it and blue and white bowling shoes . My father was an excellent bowler and he was my hero during certain times in my life. Since I felt that this was the best present I ever received in my entire life up to that point I was so excited! I was sharing with my friends about it on the bus and kept talking about it for an entire week. At that time, no one knew I had so much fear in my life and how much I found my comfort in things. I had fear around death that frightened me every night. No one knew about my parent’s divorce, the loneliness I felt at times being an only child and the fear that I had to overcome when my parent’s fought. Things brought me so much joy and happiness. I was creative with and appreciate of all of my “things”. This bowling ball was my ultimate cherished thing.
Not truly realizing I was talking so much or that anyone would even have an opinion, someone said “Shut up about your bowling ball. We are so tired of you bragging about it and we don’t want to hear about it any more!”. I was completely “crushed”. That was only one of the moments of my life that caused me to shut down and dim my light. I learned that it was not OK to share joy. I felt completely misunderstood and when I was accused of bragging, I knew in my heart there could have been nothing further from the truth.
The same situations will come into our lives over and over until we get the lesson, heal the wound and come to a completion. Then we will see a new reality and empower our lives with a new belief of empowerment and connection to our truth.
My new affirmation that I had to set in motion that day was “I fully understand myself on all levels and have no judgments about what I say or what I do! I know why I do what I do and why others do what they do and I live in peace around the human condition. I see truth and do not take anything personally. All is well in my world!” (the last phrase is taken from the fabulous Louise Hay “All is well in my world!”
Human beings are so powerful. When we are feeling a strong surge of energy it takes strength to not become engaged or enmeshed in another. It takes strength to follow one of Don Miguel Ruiz’s agreement to personal freedom, “Do not take anything personally.” However, once one realizes what is happening and how to overcome it, it does become a choice. Realizing that space does produce freedom and there is a choice to not react but respond, the energy get’s diffused. That energy of presence can actually calm down another person who is feeling so much intensity.
To live a life of freedom means making empowering choices that lead to freedom. Not taking anything personally does not mean that you can absolve yourself of personal responsibility that may have attributed to the reaction. Not taking anything personally means that you begin see a truth. Most of the time the other persons feelings really have nothing to do with you and is unresolved old material that is “up” for that person – you being a trigger for that NOT the cause. You can begin to feel compassion for their pain and anger. You can begin to distance yourself from the energy (not the person) and you can continue to see truth. The truth that each human being is a product of their past and if they have anything inside of them that has not been resolved or have not made peace with they will react to events around them.
You can actually look at the person who is reacting or accusing you as a child that is in an adult body. And see the aspect of that person that was triggered. Reactions can happen frequently, unfortunately, because many people do not understand where feelings come from and many people blame other people for their feelings. As this is occurring, you can imagine yourself and the other person being surrounded by pink light and say silently to yourself as you pour loving energy over them “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You can help them to heal by loving the part of them that is a wounded child – the part of them that does not know how to take responsibility. And you are loving the part of them that needs to move this energy out of their body or it could produce illness. You are not absolving them of the what they say. Every choice does have a consequence. However this energy provides an opportunity for resolution and also the other person can begin to see their actions more clearly when you don’t react.
When someone is on the “attack” they are in the “fight or flight” mode. Their adrenaline is pumping and energy is moving. They are in the masculine energy. Energy is no different than magnets. Two negative magnets repel. Two masculine energies repel. There is no chance for a resolution in that energy. When one person can be the feminine energy of understanding, unconditional love and compassion for this human condition of “attacking” others, a new way of being can start to happen. It can become a ripple effect of calming and peace. Defensiveness breeds defensiveness when egos are present. Or as I say in my SWIM (Spiritual Warriors In Motion/Spiritual Work in Motion) class – Egos breed Egos.
So let’s start a movement of personal responsibility on both ends. If you have unresolved issues begin to work on them. There are many avenues to do this in this amazing age of consciousness. From life coaches to hypnotherapists to acupuncture to Angel Therapy® to Reconnective Healing® – just to name a few.
If you are working on your issues you will understand reactions and the simple fact that triggers are gold leading to abundance of peace once healed, and triggers usually have nothing to do with the person causing the reaction. If you do feel “attacked” by someone else remember that they are not connected to who they are at a soul level at that moment or they would not be acting in that fashion. They are engaged in the “pain body” as Eckhart Tolle calls this energy.
There are conversations for closeness and vulnerability and resolution and then there are attacks and judgments. When one is in judgment they are enmeshed in the ego. Compassion and unconditional love is the only choice for a Spiritual Warrior. No good will come out of judgment back to another. It is toxic and two wrongs do not make a right. When I say “wrong”, no human being deserves to be attacked, judged or condemned. At a core level they are truly doing the best that they can do. If you believe anything other than that look at yourself when you sabotage your success, or you make a goal and you just cannot follow through, or you react at someone and feel bad about it. We are infants in understanding this human experience and why we cannot even manage our own lives. It is humbling – but it is so very, very true.
Removing yourself from a person’s life after conflict is the ultimate judgment and toxicity. Saying someone has “negative” energy is ignorance. They may be residing in their egos and it feels “negative” but there truly is no such thing as negative energy. We are all reflections of each other. It is time for unity and understanding and acceptance and a coming together. Separateness, feeling superiority or staying away from someone is not going to help anyone grow. There is no separateness and “better than” on a soul level. We are all having the exact same experience manifesting in different ways. When we can see our own reflection in others we will begin to heal the world. When we stop shutting people out because they make us feel bad we will truly heal our own wounds. They are spiritual teachers and are no different than we are. See unity in diversity. See truth in the human condition. Embrace everyone and please, please do your best to “forgive them for they do not know what they do.”
Choose love. Choose to have compassion for yourself and others. Choose freedom for the soul.
